I’m a sinner.
I could end the post here, and let that be that, but as always… I have a story to tell.
So, yes, I met someone in the Spring.
I wasn’t looking to date anyone. I wasn’t seeking a relationship. Really, I was content with my life… serving, being with my friends, parenting my kids, and living my life. I was alone for nearly 3 years, so found peace with being a follower and servant of Christ, if that’s all that my future held. I thought if God wanted me to be with someone, He would make it easy, and pretty much put that person right in front of my face. And, that guy would pursue me, treasure me, and love the Lord like I do.
That’s pretty much exactly what happened. Only… I refused to see the pursuit, I refused to take any time to see his heart, and I guarded mine well.
In May, he moved into the same apartment building that I lived in.
Our kids played together. It was easy for him and I to become friends… our kids all loved each other, and so we gradually spent more and more time together. We talked about everything and anything… our crazy pasts, our brokenness, our growth, our weaknesses, our strengths, our longings, our futures…
So, I finally let go of myself… I saw his heart. And, he saw mine.
We both just knew, and when you know, you just KNOW… I don’t know how else to describe it. He loves me, and I love him.
So, this happened…
We believe in what we have together, and we believe in an Almighty God that united us at just the right time. We are two broken souls who continue to need mending. We are perfectly imperfect. So, not only does our love for each other grow every day, but we are also growing in our faith, as people, as parents, as friends, and we love to watch it continue to flourish. He helps me where I am weak, and he loves me through it. I help him where he struggles, and he embraces it. We are walking forward in this journey… together.
And, this story doesn’t end there.
I’ve preached to others on this subject so many times, that I feel like a total hypocrite. Actually, I don’t just feel like it. I am. And, I will fully admit to it… I am the typical, hypocritical Christian.
If you’re reading this, and you’re not a Christian, you will likely be unphased, and move on. But, if you are a Christian…
Some of you will judge me… perhaps rightfully so.
Some of you will love me… yet still hold me accountable.
Some of you will count your own sin to be less weighty than mine.
Some of you will reek of such arrogance that your pride will reign, and you will be unable to forgive and love me… despite my repentance, and that I’ve already been forgiven.
I’ve painfully experienced this from some of those who are the very closest to me… who simply don’t understand any of this, who don’t understand where I am… who cannot support me, love me, and continue to throw stones. Trust me… no one could make me feel worse about myself for what I did than I have. No one could be harder on me than I was. The shame and guilt that I carried and felt was emotionally and physically painful.
But, I met with a Pastor of our church who spent over 2 1/2 hours counseling me, talking to me, sharing stories with me… God used him to remind me of the grace, mercy, and love that God gives to His children. It was a much-needed reminder that there is no sin that is bigger than the cross of Jesus Christ. And, we all stumble, and give into our temptation at times. We are human.
So, sometimes… sometimes… We are Eve. We are Adam.
We all trip, fall, and go outside the bounds of God’s design… but, He doesn’t desire to punish us. He desires for us to repent, He forgives, and lavishes us with His grace.
So, if you are close to me, please forgive me that I didn’t tell you before now.
This is what happened next…
So, there you have it. I’m 12 weeks pregnant. A little more, actually. The ultrasound picture that I’m holding in the picture is actually from the 10 week ultrasound. It’s amazing how much they grow in just 2 weeks.
For medical reasons, the chances were rare on both sides that I would be able to conceive. But, it happened… and, we are ecstatic, and joyful. We simply want to share in that joy with those who love us unconditionally. We consider this our little miracle baby. :)
I have to say thank you to those few who I’ve told that have just been such a support to me, and have just loved me anyway. You know who you are. Thank you.
So, yes… our story is only beginning… and, I’m excited to see what’s in store for us next.
“We imperfectly execute obedience to who we are, but God’s grace even covers that. You’ll never meet a perfect Christian. You’ll find those who are positionally perfect under the banner of God’s grace. For those of you who are like, ‘The church is filled with hypocrites,’ I readily agree with you. Absolutely. That should make you feel at home. You should never be able to use that as an excuse to not plug in with the people of God. ‘Oh gosh! They’re just hypocrites and a bunch of misfits.’ Yeah. It means you would fit right along with us. Come on in.
That shouldn’t be a detriment. It actually should feel warm to you. ‘Oh. Busted-up, jacked-up people. I think I could work here.’ It’s imperfectly executed, but it’s offered to those who will, by faith, believe in this grace.”
~ Pastor Matt Chandler, The Village Church (Sermon: http://youtu.be/bAIsBIZAYfc)
Luke 1:45 (NIV) – Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”